I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
