chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Still dying that you shit outside
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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