I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
