is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
