I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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