He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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