I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
