So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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