is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Small penises have feelings too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
