she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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