So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
