the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
