But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
