His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
