grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
