I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you win again, gameday.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
