Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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