Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
