He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
