So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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