spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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