hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
