What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
