Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
