I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
