At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
