I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
