I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
