i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
organizing the empties. That sober.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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