I could make wine with my vomit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
