i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
