shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
