i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
