One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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