I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
