There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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