well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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