She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
