he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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