Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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