What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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