Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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