dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
