I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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