I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
