The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
