So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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