My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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