In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
