Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
