Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize