i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
