Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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