I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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