4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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