Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
