is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
