You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
