just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
