can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
