Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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