We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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