Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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