You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
