He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
