Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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