could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
