Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
